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#19731 - 11/10/11 01:44 AM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: Steve C]
SaraC_UK Offline


Registered: 08/07/11
Posts: 127
Loc: Sussex UK
True Story

I was in Mc Donald's recently

An Australian guy was placing an order, he spoke to the cashier, Two sausage and egg Mc Muffins ATAY a big breakfast and two coffees

The cashier was perplexed; she asked him to repeat it but still didn't understand, she called her friend over, same again

Two sausage and egg Mc Muffins ATAY a big breakfast and two coffees

The second assistant didn't understand either, as she was calling over a third assistant
I volunteered;

This guy would like A Tea as well as two coffees two sausage and egg Mc Muffins and a big breakfast

It happened to me

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#19747 - 11/10/11 12:15 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: SaraC_UK]
JimC Offline


Registered: 02/26/10
Posts: 52
Loc: SoCal
Iced, Hot, with clotted cream, poached quail egss with truffle mayonnaise , and scones smile?

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#19759 - 11/11/11 08:11 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: JimC]
JimC Offline


Registered: 02/26/10
Posts: 52
Loc: SoCal
11:11:11:11:11

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#19760 - 11/11/11 08:12 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: JimC]
JimC Offline


Registered: 02/26/10
Posts: 52
Loc: SoCal
Hey, the system is still on daylight savings time

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#19778 - 11/11/11 06:18 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: JimC]
Steve C Offline


Registered: 09/22/09
Posts: 6822
Loc: Fresno, CA
> Hey, the system is still on daylight savings time

The server was moved from a Central Time Zone location to an Eastern Time Zone. I did not catch the time problem until you pointed it out.

Good job hitting the time exactly on that minute!

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#19917 - 11/17/11 11:47 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: Steve C]
SaraC_UK Offline


Registered: 08/07/11
Posts: 127
Loc: Sussex UK
And the bar man says sorry we dont serve neutrinos here

This neutrino walks into a Bar

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#19918 - 11/17/11 11:52 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: SaraC_UK]
wagga Offline


Registered: 10/07/09
Posts: 2174
Loc: Humbug Reach (Pop. 3)
Sorry, didn't get a charge out of that.
_________________________
Verum audaces non gerunt indusia alba. - Ipsi dixit MCMLXXII

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#19923 - 11/18/11 06:20 AM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: SaraC_UK]
Steve C Offline


Registered: 09/22/09
Posts: 6822
Loc: Fresno, CA
(At first, I thought Sara had hit the Submit button before she was done...)
Originally Posted By: SaraC_UK
And the bar man says sorry we dont serve neutrinos here

This neutrino walks into a Bar

I suppose the barman was being tachyon some other dimension.



Two atoms are standing around when the first atom says, "I think I lost an electron."

The second atom says "Are you sure?"

The first atom says, "I'm positive".

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#19928 - 11/18/11 08:41 AM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: Steve C]
lynn-a-roo Offline


Registered: 08/14/10
Posts: 623
Loc: OrangeCounty
Happy Thanksgiving To All Humans & Pets


This will make you smile.
Two dogs in a restaurant

This is so cleverly done, I didn't know which dog to watch!!!


http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=EVwlMVYqMu4&vq=medium#t=125

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#19932 - 11/18/11 10:40 AM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: Steve C]
wagga Offline


Registered: 10/07/09
Posts: 2174
Loc: Humbug Reach (Pop. 3)
The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise.

Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.

"Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain." We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."

Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.

"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely." All the men sighed with unified relief.

The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Tom Smith." The entire congregation held its breath.

"I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."
_________________________
Verum audaces non gerunt indusia alba. - Ipsi dixit MCMLXXII

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#19934 - 11/18/11 12:09 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: wagga]
SaraC_UK Offline


Registered: 08/07/11
Posts: 127
Loc: Sussex UK
We just got a new guard dog
he's not very good
he's a UK border collie

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#19935 - 11/18/11 01:10 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: SaraC_UK]
lynn-a-roo Offline


Registered: 08/14/10
Posts: 623
Loc: OrangeCounty


SaraC,

When you say he's not very good I'm assuming you're referring to your dog guarding borders..........being in the UK you don't have any borders to speak of.......your doggie would have to guard the shore from frogmen and subs.......of course there is Scotland and Ireland, those lads you may want to guard against, they'll eat all your fish & chips.


Edited by lynn-a-roo (11/18/11 01:10 PM)

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#19947 - 11/19/11 06:25 AM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: SaraC_UK]
SaraC_UK Offline


Registered: 08/07/11
Posts: 127
Loc: Sussex UK
I wont try to explain the joke to you
lets just say its topical and about world events
I am frequently surprised by the average American's lack of knowledge about things happening out side their own state, let alone their country and also their lack of geographical knowledge
I don,t know why that still surprises me

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#19953 - 11/19/11 08:24 AM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: SaraC_UK]
tdtz Offline


Registered: 08/26/10
Posts: 511
Loc: CA
Originally Posted By: SaraC_UK
I wont try to explain the joke to you
lets just say its topical and about world events
I am frequently surprised by the average American's lack of knowledge about things happening out side their own state, let alone their country and also their lack of geographical knowledge
I don,t know why that still surprises me


wow

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#19956 - 11/19/11 01:24 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: SaraC_UK]
lynn-a-roo Offline


Registered: 08/14/10
Posts: 623
Loc: OrangeCounty
SaraC.,
You are correct, I think of the UK as only England, even though I know better. I've traveled much of Europe's continent (the continent seemed to be what everyone referred to as France, Germany, Spain, Portugal, Italy, Austria, Belgium, etc.) I visited the UK twice. When I traveled Europe, the Europeans didn't seem to know many of the States of the United States, except for mostly California and New York. If I told someone the city I was from in California they would look cross-eyed at me, so I would simply say Los Angeles or the OC (if I were to tell them I reside in Villa Park they would have no idea where my home is). The next best thing to say is I'm from the area of Disneyland.

USA citizens as well as probably all North Americans do study Geography, it's mandatory in our schools, and USA citizens do keep up on current events as you do and as many people do around the world.

I love the WZ, I get to meet people like you, from whatever part of the UK you reside. The WZ is a a global message board...I've spoken with posters from France, Australia and more countries. It's good to see people from around the world enjoying the WZ and coming to the USA to visit our National Parks and to hike or climb Mt. Whitney.

I'm glad to see you enjoy the WZ too. Please keep up the silly joke thread, I can always use a good chuckle, after a while I'm sure to catch on to your humor....hey, if I can catch on to Wagga's humor, I can catch on to anyone's from any country.

I welcome you.

Sincerely,
L-A-R

P.S. I forgot to mention that every time I think of the UK I think of England and Queen Elizabeth first before anything else, that's why I thought of the countries nearest to England being best for the dog in your silly joke to guard.

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#19957 - 11/19/11 01:51 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: lynn-a-roo]
wagga Offline


Registered: 10/07/09
Posts: 2174
Loc: Humbug Reach (Pop. 3)
This is a real story, and actually happened right here in Fresno. Quite funny, but terribly sad, too.

I went to the phone store to get a new cell phone. The two young women who served me were very well-versed with the product & plans, etc.

On of them asked me where my accent came from. Now, I really don't have an accent, but I played along & said "the South".

So she guessed "Georgia" & I said "Nope", so she tried again with "Tennessee". Said "Nope", & she couldn't think of any more southern states. So I told her "Much further South".

At this stage of the story, I want to point out that earlier both ladies had stated that they were enrolled in the local State University.

So, now they couldn't think of anything further south. So I gave them a huge clue - "South of the Equator".

Big blank stares - then, "Are we supposed to know what that is?" from one of them!

I don't blame them - much of the educational system here is a vast wasteland - a very expensive vast wasteland.

Now can we get back to jokes?
_________________________
Verum audaces non gerunt indusia alba. - Ipsi dixit MCMLXXII

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#19984 - 11/21/11 01:52 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: wagga]
lynn-a-roo Offline


Registered: 08/14/10
Posts: 623
Loc: OrangeCounty
Little Johnny is Back


Little Johnny and his family lived in the country, and as a result seldom had guests. He was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the office.

When the dinner was nearly over, Little Johnny went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father who passed it to a guest. Little Johnny came in with a second piece of pie and gave it to his father, who again gave it to a guest.

This was too much for Little Johnny, who said, "It's no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size."

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#20000 - 11/22/11 03:40 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: lynn-a-roo]
wagga Offline


Registered: 10/07/09
Posts: 2174
Loc: Humbug Reach (Pop. 3)
The turkey shot out of the oven
and rocketed into the air;
It knocked every plate off the table
and partly demolished a chair.

It ricocheted into a corner
and burst with a deafening boom;
Then splattered all over the kitchen
completely obscuring the room.

It stuck to the walls and the windows,
it totally coated the floor;
There was turkey attached to the ceiling
where there'd never been turkey before.

It blanketed every appliance,
it smeared every saucer and bowl;
There wasn't a way I could stop it -
that turkey was out of control!

I scraped and I scrubbed with displeasure,
and thought with chagrin as I mopped
That I'd never again stuff a turkey
with popcorn that hadn't been popped.

<Stan Kegel>
_________________________
Verum audaces non gerunt indusia alba. - Ipsi dixit MCMLXXII

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#20001 - 11/22/11 03:44 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: lynn-a-roo]
wagga Offline


Registered: 10/07/09
Posts: 2174
Loc: Humbug Reach (Pop. 3)
I was sitting next to a priest in a pub in Boston having Irish bean soup and raving about how great it tasted...when he offered that "the Irish have a strict rule that this soup have no more than 239 beans per serving.'

I ASKED, "Why this strict rule?"

And in his finest Irish tongue he said, "If we added just one more bean it would be too farty."
_________________________
Verum audaces non gerunt indusia alba. - Ipsi dixit MCMLXXII

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#20010 - 11/23/11 01:14 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: wagga]
lynn-a-roo Offline


Registered: 08/14/10
Posts: 623
Loc: OrangeCounty
Gravy Ladle

John invited his mother over for Thanksgiving dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how attractive and shapely the housekeeper was. Over the course of the evening, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the housekeeper than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, my relationship with my housekeeper is purely professional."

About a week later, the housekeeper came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote:

"Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner." Several days later, John received a letter back from his mother:

Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with your housekeeper, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with your housekeeper. But the fact remains that if you were sleeping in your own bed, you would have found the gravy ladle by now."

Love, Mom.


Below is a cute website for the kids on Thanksgiving. Sorry this came at the end of a rather 'PG' / 'R' rated silly joke.

http://kids.nationalgeographic.com/kids/games/moregames/funnyfillinturkeystory/








Edited by lynn-a-roo (11/23/11 01:19 PM)

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