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Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes?
wagga #24205 05/21/12 07:52 PM
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TOP 10 THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY IN CLIMBING BUT AREN'T

10. I'll need plenty of protection for this one.

9. Want to use my rope or yours?

8. Go ahead and tie in while I get my protection out.

7. I hate it when my protection fails!

6. That crack is big enough for your whole fist.

5. I'm getting tired of hanging here, but I want to try it one more time.

4. Better take a good selection of nuts.

3. I wish I hadn't lost that piece of protection in the crack.

2. Make sure you anchor in; I'm a lot heavier than you.
and..............

.................. the number one thing that sounds dirty in climbing but isn't:

1. Wow, what a great crack!



Lynnaroo
Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes?
lynn-a-roo #24333 05/25/12 02:53 PM
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As You All Know, Memorial Day is a Day to Remember Our Loved Ones Who Have Passed and to Remember All the Solidiers Who Have Died for Our Freedom. And, Memorial Day is also known as a day for being with friends and family and usually everyone meets in a park or in the backyard of someone's home for a good old fashioned BBQ.

Here is a Silly BBQ Joke that I hope won't offend anyone, but that might add a little humor to your Memorial Day weekend.



A couple had been married 10 years. One afternoon, they were working in the garden together. As the wife was bending over pulling weeds, the husband said, ''Hey honey, you're getting fat. Your butt is huge. I'll bet it's as wide as the gas grill.''

Feeling the need to prove his point, he got out a yard stick and measured the grill, then his wife's butt. ''Yep,'' he said,'' just what I thought, just about the same size.''

The wife became incensed and left him gardening alone. She went inside the house and didn't speak to him for the rest of the day.

When they retired to bed that evening, the husband cuddled up to his wife and said, ''How about it, honey? How about a little lovemaking?''

The wife turned her back to him, giving him the cold shoulder. ''What's the matter?'' he asked.

She replied, ''You don't think I'm going to fire up this big ass grill for one little weenie, do you?''





Lynnaroo
Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes?
lynn-a-roo #24384 05/27/12 01:37 PM
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No one in this town could catch any fish except this one man.
The game warden asked him how he did it so the man told the game warden that he would take him fishing the next day... Once they got to the middle of the lake the man took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it in the water. After the explosion fish started floating to the top of the water. The man took out a net and started picking up the fish. The game warden told him that this was illegal. The man took out another stick of dynamite and lit it. He then handed it to the game warden and said " are you going to fish or talk?"


Verum audaces non gerunt indusia alba. - Ipsi dixit MCMLXXII
Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes?
wagga #24734 06/05/12 06:00 PM
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When I saw all the ice in Burchey's thread, "Snackin on the North Fork" a silly joke instantly popped into my head....


....An Arctic explorer came face to face with a polar bear. Afraid of being eaten, he fell to his knees and started praying. When the polar bear knelt down beside him and started praying too, the man shouted, "It's a miracle!" The polar bear opened one eye and said "Don't talk while I'm saying grace."





Lynnaroo
Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes?
lynn-a-roo #24939 06/11/12 01:02 PM
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I believe the official day of summer is somewhere around June 20th which also means the Fire Season is upon us. Remember what Smokey the Bear would say, "Only you can prevent forest fires".....which reminds me of a silly joke....




One hot summer day, a man is filling up his black pickup truck at the local gas station. He isn't very careful, and he gets gasoline all over his jacket's left sleeve. He ignores it, and leaves the station after paying for the gas.

As he's driving down the highway, the heat of the sun on his truck's black paint is enough to ignite his jacket sleeve. He drives faster, waving his arm out the window in an attempt to extinguish the flames, but they burn hotter!

As he speeds down the highway, a state trooper sees the situation and pulls him over. He jerks the man out of the truck and rolls him on the ground until the fire is extinguished.

As the man dusts himself and thanks his rescuer, he sees the officer is writing him a summons! Confused, he asks, "You're writing me a ticket!? What for?" The officer replies, "Posession of an illegal fire arm."








Lynnaroo
Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes?
lynn-a-roo #25399 06/25/12 04:28 PM
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This entry by Cory Gano earned a Dishonorable Mention in the Children's Literature section of the [url=http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/]Bulwer-Lytton[/url] terrible writing contest for 2004. I am so jealous.

As he entered the room within which so many a wild night of their sweltering love affair had been spent, the White Rabbit regarded her with benevolent eyes, her posture such that he suspected something was wrong, but before he could speak Alice unburied her face from her trembling hands and between her intense sobs he made out the words, "I'm late … I'm late."


Verum audaces non gerunt indusia alba. - Ipsi dixit MCMLXXII
Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes?
wagga #25614 07/03/12 01:13 PM
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For the big press conference:
[quote]A higgs-boson walks into a church. The priest says "Higgs-bosons aren't allowed in here." The higgs-boson says "But without me, how can you have mass?"[/quote]

Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes?
AlanK #25617 07/03/12 01:32 PM
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groan... [like]

Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes?
wazzu #25618 07/03/12 01:38 PM
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[quote=wazzu]groan... [like] [/quote]
Yeah, I groaned pretty loudly, then said to myself "I know what to do with this one."

It beats "Schrodinger's Cat went into a bar. And didn't."

Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes?
AlanK #25645 07/03/12 08:51 PM
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Speaking of travels, I heard that when Marco Polo first opened the trade routes to China, he was quite impressed with their rockets. Now, these weren't quite the fireworks we now know, but they did shoot into the air, explode and make some pretty patterns. Strangely, no matter where he went, there were people who made fireworks, but he had trouble finding someone to demonstrate them for him.

"Not here!" they said. …very confusing. Until ol' Marc came upon an ancient military fortification at the community of Chu'Lai. Here, fireworks were launched every night, and Marc was very impressed!

But still he wondered, "Why here?" At the end of every week, people came from great distances, bringing their own fireworks to launch. So Marco Polo asked his guide why everyone came here to launch their fireworks.

Marc's guide replied:

"Why honored Sir, We always set off fireworks on the Forts of Chu'Lai"


Verum audaces non gerunt indusia alba. - Ipsi dixit MCMLXXII
Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes?
AlanK #25687 07/04/12 08:21 PM
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...Higgs-Boson humor, love it, I bet Higgs would too, especially since he's still with us on earth to appreciate the humor, and wouldn't you know it, Higgs-Boson has reminded me of a silly joke (or two)....(compliments of Tommy Cooper)

For the scientifically minded.
A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says.
The bartender promptly serves up a beer.
"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.
"For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge."

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, 'I think I've lost an electron.'
The other says 'Are you sure?'
The first says, 'Yes, I'm positive... '


Lynnaroo
Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes?
lynn-a-roo #25723 07/05/12 07:54 PM
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Higgs boson walks into a bar, orders a beer.
Bartender shrugs, shakes his head, looks around for help.
Cajun guy leans over, whispers to him.
Bartender looks up, gets up in the boson's grill and says:
"I don know wor yew thank yew or, but in Waxahachie? we don serve nobody orders nothin in no Farayunch."
"Oh," replies the Higgs, "I know exactly where I am (although that does raise questions about my velocity, doesn't it); I'm not from here, and now I'm gone. You may be CERN of that."

Last edited by saltydog; 07/06/12 06:54 AM.

Wherever you go, there you are.
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Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes?
saltydog #25804 07/09/12 02:17 PM
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[img]http://www.whitneyzone.com/wz/gallery/12/full/582.jpg[/img]


Verum audaces non gerunt indusia alba. - Ipsi dixit MCMLXXII
Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes?
wagga #25817 07/09/12 09:55 PM
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Wagga...WHAT IN THE WORLD HAPPENED HERE or should I say UP THERE??????.....

WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT???


Saltydog ...I dont know what the lingo was in your Silly Joke but I do know it made Wagga go Whacko...

Wagga....Are you hijacking the silly joke thread......this could be war....I know just the thread to drop a bomb on ...ha..ha..


Okay you guys ...maybe you both need to go take a hike and clear your heads.

Good saying...TAKE A HIKE BOYS!!!



Lynnaroo
Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes?
lynn-a-roo #25819 07/09/12 10:56 PM
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lynn-a-roo: this is in fact a silly joke - it's been going around the net for a while now. The joke is that there is a dog driving the car in the background. Apparently, you couldn't get past what was in the foreground long enough to notice that ;)

wagga: sorry if I ruined your fun, but I think you got what you wanted with lynn-a-roo's response! :)

Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes?
BryanB #25820 07/09/12 11:01 PM
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"Nice dog" has special meaning to Wagga. ;)

Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes?
BryanB #25822 07/10/12 07:42 AM
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[quote=BryanB]lynn-a-roo: this is in fact a silly joke - it's been going around the net for a while now. The joke is that there is a dog driving the car in the background. [/quote]

Only if the dog has four-foot long front legs and human hands


Wherever you go, there you are.
SPOTMe!
Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes?
wagga #25824 07/10/12 08:19 AM
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[quote=wagga][img]http://www.whitneyzone.com/wz/gallery/12/full/582.jpg[/img] [/quote]

That reminds me...

The other day I commented on my wife's derriere, "Nice butt! It reminds me of a waxing gibbous moon..."

Wife: "You saying my butt is getting bigger?"

Me: "Er, ah, honey, I meant 'waning gibbous.'"

Note to self: Oops.


Journey well...
Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes?
+ @ti2d #25836 07/10/12 04:47 PM
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[url=http://www.whitneyzone.com/wz/ubbthreads.php/topics/25832#Post25835]There was a silly mistake, bomb dropped in the wrong place[/url].


Verum audaces non gerunt indusia alba. - Ipsi dixit MCMLXXII
Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes?
wagga #25841 07/10/12 05:55 PM
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Apparently, this picture was used in a scientific experiment by academic trick cyclists* to find out some fundamental rules of human behavior.

When male/female couples were exposed to this picture:

49% of females wondered "[i]who let this woman out of the house dressed like that[/i]" and 49% wondered "[i]where can I buy that cute blouse/corset combo[/i]" and 2% locked themselves in the bedroom with thongs and Lycra.

Less than 1% of males noted the dog driving the taxi. In follow-up studies, 100% of those observant males reported deep satisfaction on the evening following testing. The fate of the 99%-plus male group is unknown, with a likely bad outcome.

*Psychiatrist.


Verum audaces non gerunt indusia alba. - Ipsi dixit MCMLXXII
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