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#49234 - 02/14/17 09:49 AM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: Steve C]
lynn-a-roo Offline


Registered: 08/14/10
Posts: 625
Loc: OrangeCounty
MY LAST TRIP TO COSTCO

Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Necco, the Wonder Dog, which weighs 191 lbs. I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had an elephant?

So, because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your jacket pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

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#49235 - 02/14/17 05:46 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: lynn-a-roo]
Steve C Offline


Registered: 09/22/09
Posts: 7209
Loc: Fresno, CA
Oh my. laugh

That is really good.

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#49596 - 04/17/17 03:09 AM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: Steve C]
wagga Online


Registered: 10/07/09
Posts: 2205
Loc: Humbug Reach (Pop. 3)
It's that time of the year - the damned tax return.

Like most of us, I find it difficult to get motivated to fill out the freaking complex forms.

Sometimes you just need a ruse to get you started, and then you wonder why it was so hard.

So, I've evolved a method to trick myself make it simpler, and, frankly, less unpalatable.

And it is tricky. First I print out 2 sets of the forms - one to find out what numbers I need, and then the real set which will be mailed to the IRS/ATO.

Next trick is to find a broad-tipped yellow marker. I go through the form, marking boxen which need to be filled in, and leaving the rest empty. Twice.

This can be heartening - the number of numbers to be found is way less than the whole bloody form suggests!

So I go off and find or generate the "yellow" numbers & it all goes swimmingly from there.

I call it the "Yellow Ruse Of Taxes".
_________________________
Verum audaces non gerunt indusia alba. - Ipsi dixit MCMLXXII

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#49633 - 04/22/17 06:10 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: wagga]
lynn-a-roo Offline


Registered: 08/14/10
Posts: 625
Loc: OrangeCounty
Ha,ha,ha that was definitely SILLY grin Is April 15 Aussie tax day too?

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#52188 - 09/16/17 01:28 AM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: lynn-a-roo]
wagga Online


Registered: 10/07/09
Posts: 2205
Loc: Humbug Reach (Pop. 3)
_________________________
Verum audaces non gerunt indusia alba. - Ipsi dixit MCMLXXII

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#52210 - 09/18/17 07:44 AM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: wagga]
+ @ti2d Offline


Registered: 10/22/09
Posts: 801
Loc: Oh Cursed, USA
That's gotta hurt.

I read on the internet a coyote also met the same fate.
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Have fun and enjoy the Gr8 Yd Opn.

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#52340 - 10/07/17 06:23 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: + @ti2d]
wagga Online


Registered: 10/07/09
Posts: 2205
Loc: Humbug Reach (Pop. 3)
In the 1980s I was working at Bourke, in far western New South Wales. On day I was enjoying a beer in the North Bourke Hotel when a rich-looking city slicker came in and asked the barman what the road to Wanaaring was like. (The road was notorious for being corrugated. Shake the lid of a swaggie's billy, a local once said.)
"Well," the barman replied, "a cove travelled down there six kays recently and had to turn back it was so rough." "Yeah, but look what I'm driving," the man said, proudly pointing to his gleaming, top-of-the-line four-wheel-drive parked outside.
"What was he in?"
The barman replied: "A Cessna, mate".


From R. M. Williams: submitted by Ray McAllister, Dubbo, NSW
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Verum audaces non gerunt indusia alba. - Ipsi dixit MCMLXXII

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