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#44817 - 11/16/15 02:56 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: wagga]
Steve C Offline


Registered: 09/22/09
Posts: 7209
Loc: Fresno, CA
Originally Posted By: wagga
As it is no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any single racial or ethnic group:

An Englishman, a Scotsman, a... ...Norwegian, a Libyan, a Muslim, a Hindu, a Buddhist, and an Ethiopian went to a nightclub.

"Sorry," said the bouncer, "I can't let you in without a Thai."


like!

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#44818 - 11/17/15 08:50 AM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: Steve C]
Snacking Bear Offline


Registered: 08/09/11
Posts: 446
Loc: Saugus, CA
Wagga for the thai-breaker!
_________________________
@jjoshuagregory (Twitter & Instagram) for landscape and mountain photo spamming...

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#44982 - 12/10/15 12:13 AM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: wagga]
wagga Offline


Registered: 10/07/09
Posts: 2205
Loc: Humbug Reach (Pop. 3)
I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives.

By following the simple advice I heard on the Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started and never finished."

So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos and a box of chocolates. You have no idea how freaking good I feel.

Please pass this on to those you feel might be in need of inner peace.
_________________________
Verum audaces non gerunt indusia alba. - Ipsi dixit MCMLXXII

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#45049 - 12/21/15 11:31 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: wagga]
wagga Offline


Registered: 10/07/09
Posts: 2205
Loc: Humbug Reach (Pop. 3)
What kind of bee gives milk?

Click to reveal..
A Boo-bee.
_________________________
Verum audaces non gerunt indusia alba. - Ipsi dixit MCMLXXII

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#45054 - 12/22/15 06:42 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: wagga]
Chris B Offline


Registered: 07/18/11
Posts: 68
Loc: Denver, CO
And where does this milk-giving bee deliver its precious cargo?

A bay - bee, of course whistle

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#45066 - 12/27/15 06:44 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: Chris B]
wagga Offline


Registered: 10/07/09
Posts: 2205
Loc: Humbug Reach (Pop. 3)
_________________________
Verum audaces non gerunt indusia alba. - Ipsi dixit MCMLXXII

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#45067 - 12/27/15 06:50 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: Chris B]
wagga Offline


Registered: 10/07/09
Posts: 2205
Loc: Humbug Reach (Pop. 3)
An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Klu Klux Klan.

This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this.

Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."

No one moved.

The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood?
Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory.

Now stand and confess your transgression."

Again, all was quiet.

Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew.

Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan.I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.
_________________________
Verum audaces non gerunt indusia alba. - Ipsi dixit MCMLXXII

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#45118 - 01/14/16 03:24 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: wagga]
wagga Offline


Registered: 10/07/09
Posts: 2205
Loc: Humbug Reach (Pop. 3)
If you put a photo of yourself in a locket...

Click to reveal..
You are independant.
_________________________
Verum audaces non gerunt indusia alba. - Ipsi dixit MCMLXXII

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#45122 - 01/15/16 12:19 AM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: wagga]
wagga Offline


Registered: 10/07/09
Posts: 2205
Loc: Humbug Reach (Pop. 3)
Stop sine.

Currently floating around like a log on FB. Bit of a tangent from the usual, but I'm posting it 'cos I can.


_________________________
Verum audaces non gerunt indusia alba. - Ipsi dixit MCMLXXII

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#45123 - 01/15/16 12:54 AM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: wagga]
Steve C Offline


Registered: 09/22/09
Posts: 7209
Loc: Fresno, CA
That's a sin!

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#45231 - 01/29/16 10:13 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: Steve C]
Steve C Offline


Registered: 09/22/09
Posts: 7209
Loc: Fresno, CA
Studio C creates lots of silly and entertaining skits -- always clean humor, too. This one really cracks me up:


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#45234 - 01/30/16 12:04 AM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: Steve C]
wagga Offline


Registered: 10/07/09
Posts: 2205
Loc: Humbug Reach (Pop. 3)
_________________________
Verum audaces non gerunt indusia alba. - Ipsi dixit MCMLXXII

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#45312 - 02/19/16 03:00 AM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: wagga]
wagga Offline


Registered: 10/07/09
Posts: 2205
Loc: Humbug Reach (Pop. 3)


I was out at Fitzroy Island recently - I keep saying you haven't lived until you spend some quality time in the water with a Green Sea Turtle and then have a fine beer in Foxy's front bar. It's the kind of place where you sit down, look around and wonder what all the poor people are doing.

Reminds me that last October I was there and Foxy's was doing a sort of October Fest. Because everything has to come by ferry (it's an island), they just do one featured beer on draft each day, rather than all at once. I missed the doppelbock of the previous day, but they had a very acceptable billygoat (ein Bock). Because that beer is around 7% abv, I nursed a single glass for the hour until the ferry arrived to take me back to the mainland. I actually don't like the term "nursed", there must be a better expression. Though I am aware that there is a wine style "liebfraumilch", which doesn't actually mean "Mothers Milk".

As I was waiting for the 5-minute warning horn for the ferry's leaving, I heard a bell. Looked over to the dock at Welcome Bay, and saw the Skipper was banging on the ship's bell. Later found out that the Ship's horn was broken.

So there I was, sitting on the bock of the day, watching the ride tolling away.
_________________________
Verum audaces non gerunt indusia alba. - Ipsi dixit MCMLXXII

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#45314 - 02/19/16 09:12 AM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: wagga]
Steve C Offline


Registered: 09/22/09
Posts: 7209
Loc: Fresno, CA
Took a tall glass of 7% billygoat bock for that, didn't it?

laugh

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#45579 - 03/28/16 01:17 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: Steve C]
lynn-a-roo Offline


Registered: 08/14/10
Posts: 625
Loc: OrangeCounty
Happy Belated Easter

A lady opened her refrigerator to see if her husband had hidden the Easter eggs yet, and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves.

"What are you doing in there?" She asked.

The rabbit replied:
"This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?",

To which the lady replied "Yes."

"Well," the rabbit said,

"I'm westing."

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#45620 - 03/31/16 09:32 AM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: lynn-a-roo]
lynn-a-roo Offline


Registered: 08/14/10
Posts: 625
Loc: OrangeCounty
Chinese Tour Guide in Shanghai...

I met a Chinese girl when I was in Shanghai , I asked her if she could escort me for a city tour,
and asked for her mobile number, so I could call her.

She got excited and said:
"sex sex sex, wan free sex for tonigh"

Wow, I'm guessing this is how Chinese women express their hospitality!

But then, my friend interpreted it for me & told me what she really said :

666136429

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#45638 - 04/02/16 05:09 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: wagga]
saltydog Offline


Registered: 02/03/11
Posts: 1541
Loc: Valley Ford CA!!!!
Um,, "sipping" on the Bock of the day, maybe?
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Wherever you go, there you are.
SPOTMe!

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#45640 - 04/02/16 08:30 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: saltydog]
wagga Offline


Registered: 10/07/09
Posts: 2205
Loc: Humbug Reach (Pop. 3)
Actually, sittin'...

Consult with Otis Redding.
_________________________
Verum audaces non gerunt indusia alba. - Ipsi dixit MCMLXXII

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#45839 - 04/19/16 09:35 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: wagga]
saltydog Offline


Registered: 02/03/11
Posts: 1541
Loc: Valley Ford CA!!!!
Um, yes, sittin was the original, but isn't there a pun involved in this?
_________________________
Wherever you go, there you are.
SPOTMe!

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#45843 - 04/20/16 12:00 AM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: saltydog]
wagga Offline


Registered: 10/07/09
Posts: 2205
Loc: Humbug Reach (Pop. 3)
OK, will change before submitting to Tarzan's Tripes.
_________________________
Verum audaces non gerunt indusia alba. - Ipsi dixit MCMLXXII

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