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#9789 - 01/02/11 10:19 AM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: wagga]
Rod Offline


Registered: 09/22/09
Posts: 660
Loc: Santa Clarita, Ca. USA
wagga,wagga wagga where do you come up with these??? That is a classic groaner.

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#9794 - 01/02/11 11:45 AM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: Rod]
wagga Offline


Registered: 10/07/09
Posts: 2243
Loc: Humbug Reach (Pop. 3)
As I said before, passed along around the campfire.
_________________________
Verum audaces non gerunt indusia alba. - Ipsi dixit MCMLXXII

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#9804 - 01/03/11 11:20 AM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: wagga]
lynn-a-roo Offline


Registered: 08/14/10
Posts: 627
Loc: OrangeCounty
Re: Fair warning, I know all of the elephant jokes. And all of the Little Tommy jokes. And all of the sheep jokes. And all of the llama jokes. The latter three of which are certainly not suitable for kids. We'll get down on fruitcake later...

Funny, I've never heard any of the jokes you mentioned....how could a llama joke not be for kids, they're so cute and cuddly. Who is Little Tommy?

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#9809 - 01/03/11 02:13 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: lynn-a-roo]
SoCalGirl Offline


Registered: 12/06/09
Posts: 225
Loc: Spring Valley, CA
Originally Posted By: lynn-a-roo
Who is Little Tommy?


---insert groan here--- Lynn.. do you know what a can of worms is? ---shakes admonishing finger at you--- I hope you know what you've just very possibly unleashed wink


Edited by SoCalGirl (01/03/11 02:13 PM)

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#9812 - 01/03/11 02:44 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: SoCalGirl]
lynn-a-roo Offline


Registered: 08/14/10
Posts: 627
Loc: OrangeCounty
So Cal Girl,



huh?....confused...what are you talking about, I don't have a clue.

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#9813 - 01/03/11 02:50 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: lynn-a-roo]
SoCalGirl Offline


Registered: 12/06/09
Posts: 225
Loc: Spring Valley, CA
Originally Posted By: lynn-a-roo
So Cal Girl,
huh?....confused...what are you talking about, I don't have a clue.


Lynn... it was meant to be funny... guess the tone in my head just didn't translate well...

What I was saying is that, by posing the "Who is Little Tommy" question you've pretty much given Wagga carte blanche to share that particular line of jokes at will...

Now... I've always enjoyed a good Little Tommy joke myself, but they're really not family friendly wink

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#9814 - 01/03/11 02:55 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: SoCalGirl]
wagga Offline


Registered: 10/07/09
Posts: 2243
Loc: Humbug Reach (Pop. 3)
As far as I can tell, this is the cleanest sheep joke:

A New Zealander, a sheep and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck.

They found themselves stranded on a desert island and after being there for a while they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down.

One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the Kiwi.

Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.

But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the Kiwi took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and lo, and behold, there was another shipwreck.

The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the Kiwi had ever seen.

She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health.

When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual.

It was another beautiful evening: red cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance.

Pretty soon the New Zealander started to get 'those feelings' again.

He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear...

'Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?'
_________________________
Verum audaces non gerunt indusia alba. - Ipsi dixit MCMLXXII

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#9816 - 01/03/11 03:51 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: wagga]
Steve C Offline


Registered: 09/22/09
Posts: 7595
Loc: Fresno, CA
Wagga, you've got to stop picking on New Zealanders and their sheep! frown

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#9823 - 01/03/11 06:12 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: Steve C]
Rod Offline


Registered: 09/22/09
Posts: 660
Loc: Santa Clarita, Ca. USA
Must be a Aussie/New Zealander rivalry.Kinda like USC/UCLA

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#9844 - 01/04/11 06:07 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: Rod]
catpappy Offline


Registered: 03/06/10
Posts: 120
Loc: acworth, ga
What's needed to circumcise a whale?

Four skin divers.

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#9846 - 01/04/11 06:17 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: Rod]
wagga Offline


Registered: 10/07/09
Posts: 2243
Loc: Humbug Reach (Pop. 3)
This is probably the definitive collection of clean Little Tommy jokes. Some of these have been told before in this thread.

This is the first known clean Little Tommy Joke:

A couple has a little girl, named Suzie. They take her to visit another couple who are parents of a little boy. He is, of course, Little Tommy. For a while the children sit patiently as the adults discuss their religious beliefs, but eventually they get bored. They go outside and wander about till they come to a creek with a good swimming hole.

It's a hot and humid day so they decide to cool off by going skinny dipping. They go into the bushes and take off their clothes. Then they emerge from the bushes.

Little Suzie looks at Little Tommie and yells, "I didn't know Catholics were THAT different from Protestants!"


This is the only known clean Little Suzie joke.

Then:

The teacher was discussing different jobs held by the parents of the students. When she called on Little Tommy, she asked, "And what does your father do?"

"Oh, he's a magician," replied Tommy.

"Really? And what's his best trick?"

"His best trick is sawing people in half."

"Wonderful!" exclaimed the teacher. "Tell me, are there any more children in your family?"

"Yes ma'am, I have a half brother and two half sisters."


And:

Mrs. Downsport, Little Tommie's mother, was called to a conference with the school principal. "Little Tommy", he said, "was caught peeing in the swimming pool". "Well", Mrs. Downsport said, "most, if not all the kids pee in the pool". "Possibly true", said the principal, "but not from the top of the 10-meter diving board!".

Tommie's nickname, incidentally, is "Kangaroo". Any guesses why?

So here is the last known clean Little Tommy joke. SteveC has been bugging me for a long time to tell this:

The day afer Little Tommy graduated (with lacklustre grades) from high school, his father won more than 100 million dollars in the state lottery.

So Little Tommy was able to attend a prestigious university, and elected to study marine biology.
Given his early history, he was especially interested in the mating habits of dolphins & porpoises. Well, actually, any kind of mating habits.

In the meantime, his father purchased the latest and fastest Lear Jet and began to take flying lessons. On his second solo flight as a licenced private pilot he took Little Tommy's mother up and the inevitable happened.

So Little Tommy, after sharing his parent's estate with his half-brother and two half sisters, found himself to be independently wealthy. Very Wealthy.

So he bought a property on the Intracoastal Waterway and commissioned a large dolphin pool complex, complete with a breeding pool and a lot of space for dolphins. He paid skippers to scan the ocean and (gently) capture a pair of porpoises. At this stage, he really didn't know the difference between dolphins & porpoises. However, eventually, a pair of marine mammals were captured and placed in the pool complex.

The pair were placed in the breeding pool - and nothing happened. Unknown to Little Tommy, the animals were brother and sister.

So Little Tommy asked his Professor from the prestigious university if anything could be done to enhance his captive's mating. His Professor indicated that there was research seemingly pointing to a hormone imbalance which could be counteracted by ingestion of fledgling seabirds.

So Little Tommy scoured the beaches for young seabirds. One day he found several nests above the tide-line on a local beach. So he captured them and headed back to his pickup truck. He loaded up his precious cargo and proceeded to drive along the beach frontage road, knowing that he would, at last, achieve his dream!

There was something else going on that Little Tommy didn't know about. The circus was in town.

The circus carried an old lion on the books. He was far too old to perform, and, being toothless, was quite harmless. Because the lion was superannuated, the circus crew became careless about his housing. On this particular day, the cage door was left unlocked & the old lion ambled out for a walk. On reaching the frontage road to the beach, the old lion was thoroughly exhausted, and laid down in the road for a nap.

So, Little Tommy came racing around the corner in a great hurry to further science - and ran over the old, sleeping lion.

Shocked, he stopped and was accosted by a person in a a three-piece suit who yelled "FBI! you're under arrest!"

So Little Tommy asked "Why?" And the FBI agent stated "Mann Act - Crossing a sedate lion with immature gulls for immoral porpoises"
_________________________
Verum audaces non gerunt indusia alba. - Ipsi dixit MCMLXXII

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#9872 - 01/05/11 04:45 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: wagga]
Rod Offline


Registered: 09/22/09
Posts: 660
Loc: Santa Clarita, Ca. USA
Groan double groan. Huge set up but with a great payoff.

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#9874 - 01/05/11 06:43 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: Rod]
Steve C Offline


Registered: 09/22/09
Posts: 7595
Loc: Fresno, CA
What's crazy is that wagga can sit by a campfire and tell you that entire story. shocked

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#9877 - 01/06/11 05:31 AM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: Steve C]
wagga Offline


Registered: 10/07/09
Posts: 2243
Loc: Humbug Reach (Pop. 3)
Little-known fact: Little Tommie's nickname is "Kangaroo" Anybody want to tell us why? No guessing needed.
_________________________
Verum audaces non gerunt indusia alba. - Ipsi dixit MCMLXXII

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#9883 - 01/06/11 04:27 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: wagga]
Rod Offline


Registered: 09/22/09
Posts: 660
Loc: Santa Clarita, Ca. USA
Scratching my head hasn't helped.I give.

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#9885 - 01/06/11 04:50 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: Rod]
wagga Offline


Registered: 10/07/09
Posts: 2243
Loc: Humbug Reach (Pop. 3)
You are trying to think outside the box. (You need a dirty mind!).

Write down Tommie's first name. Then (in quotes) his nickname. Then Tommie's surname.

If you don't get it, then...

Copy & paste the result into Goooooooooogle.

Report back to the forum so that we can all sing along. "All together now". Or not.


Edited by wagga (01/06/11 06:10 PM)
_________________________
Verum audaces non gerunt indusia alba. - Ipsi dixit MCMLXXII

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#9886 - 01/06/11 08:46 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: wagga]
Steve C Offline


Registered: 09/22/09
Posts: 7595
Loc: Fresno, CA
Didn't know Little Tommie had a surname.

Tommie "kangaroo" Tittlemouse???

Or is it... Tie Me Kangaroo...?

Edit: Ok so his surname is "Downsport", as in Tommie "kangaroo" Downsport. ...That's a wagga original!

Unfortunately, American's don't connect "Tommie" to "Tie me" like you Aussies do. I never connected Tommie Downsport to the lyrics: "Tie me kangaroo down sport."

Sheesh! That's a stretch, wagga!



Edited by Steve C (01/07/11 10:26 AM)

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#9889 - 01/07/11 05:29 AM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: Steve C]
+ @ti2d Offline


Registered: 10/22/09
Posts: 831
Loc: Oh Cursed, USA
Originally Posted By: Steve C
Or is it... Tie Me Kangaroo...?


Yewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!
Grosssssssssss!!!
Animal bondage!!!!
Kinky Aussies!!!!!

Wait...hmmmmmmm...on second thought...DID I SAY THAT?! whistle



Have fun...
_________________________
Have fun and enjoy the Gr8 Yd Opn.

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#9911 - 01/08/11 04:16 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: + @ti2d]
wagga Offline


Registered: 10/07/09
Posts: 2243
Loc: Humbug Reach (Pop. 3)
Whoa! a clean Little Suzie story.

Little Suzie donned her skates,
Upon the ice to frisk.
Her friends all thought that she was nuts,
Her little *.
_________________________
Verum audaces non gerunt indusia alba. - Ipsi dixit MCMLXXII

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#9966 - 01/11/11 04:08 PM Re: Where Are the Silly Jokes? [Re: wagga]
lynn-a-roo Offline


Registered: 08/14/10
Posts: 627
Loc: OrangeCounty
Government surveyors came to Ole's farm in the fall and asked if they
could do some surveying. Ole agreed and Lena even served them a nice meal at noon time.
The next spring the two surveyors stopped by and told Ole, "Because you
were so kind to us, we wanted to give you this bad news in person instead
of by letter".

Ole replied, "What's the bad news?"
The surveyors stated, "Well, after our work we discovered your farm is
not in Minnesota , but is actually in Wisconsin !"
Ole looked at Lena and said, "That's the best news I have heard in a long
time, why I just told Lena this morning, I don't think I can take another
winter in Minnesota ."

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