Last summer I was going up the MMWT on a little impromptu trip. I went up without much gear or supplies. I figured that most people pack more than they really need and it won't hurt them to share a little bit.
I was up near LPL and I ran across this nice couple who was having lunch. I sat down with them and unpacked the sandwich that I brought. They offered me a power bar and some carrots which was really cool. They got up and started hiking again and after a little nap I headed up the trail again too.
I caught up to them again at mirror lake where they stopped for a snack. They were eating crackers with cheese and salami. I was pretty hungry again so I asked them for some. They were kind of snotty when they gave me two measley crackers and cheese setups. Why were they being so greedy? They clearly had plenty of food. Don't they know that it's nice to share? They packed up pretty quickly and took off again. I guess they didn't want any company. They were spoiled yuppies anyway. Who cares, their food was probably all Monsanto GMO crap anyway.
When I got to trail camp it was almost dark. There were lots of people already cooking their dinner. It sure did smell good. I found a little place by four tents where the food smelled really good and set up my sleeping bag. I didn't bring a tent because it's summer and it was really warm down in los angeles.
I went over to the guys in the tents. They were with some group or something. I asked if I could bum a smoke off someone...but none of them smoked. They invited me over anyway and said they were having a potluck if I wanted to join. I pulled up a rock and started sampling the buffet. After a while one of the campers started hassling me about not adding to the potluck. I told him that I didn't have anything and he became a real nazi about it. I said I was sorry, but it wasn't my fault that I don't have any food.
After awhile I felt nature calling. I took off toward consultation lake to take a dump. I found a nice quiet place to drop a deuce and took care of business. When I started walking back, wouldn't you know it, Ranger Adolf was watching. He asked me if I knew that there was a strict "pack out your poop" policy in the whitney zone. I said yeah, but what's one little turd going to hurt? Would you believe that the fascist bastard lectured me for 10 minutes about the delicate ecosystem and water supply. Then he started talking about flowers....gardenias or something..or was it giardinias. Then he gave me a ticket. It's not like I'm some criminal or something. I just dropped a deuce. What a fascist prick Ranger Adolf was.
Anyway, this trip was starting to suck. I don't know why people like hiking at mount whitney. Everyone is obviously stuck up and doesn't care about the little guy. I got back to my tent and started to sleep. And all of a sudden I started to feel drops of rain on my face. Within seconds it was pouring rain. I started going around asking people if I could come into their tent and everyone kept on saying that they didn't have any room in their tent. Finally the couple that gave the cheese and crackers let me in. I got some good sleep between the couple. They finally woke me up around 7am and said that they wanted to leave and try and make the summit. I said "cool, rock on". Then they said, well, we want to close up the tent, so we need you to start getting ready too. I told them "no worries bros, I'll close it up for you, you head on up". They started getting snotty again and said that they wanted me to get out of the tent. What did they think I was going to do? Steal their stuff? Geez!!!! Selfish bastards, they've got enough stuff anyway. And if it wasn't for the rest of us, they wouldn't have that cool big agnes tent and mountain hardware sleeping bags. It's ok if they've got cool gear, but they should share some of it with the rest of us.
So I got up and started up the switchbacks. I was right by the cables when I started to feel really sick. My head was pounding a lot. I figured if I kept on going my headache would go away. I went up a little ways further and my head was just freakin pounding and then I started to puke. And all of a sudden, there's Ranger Adolf again. He said that I probably have altitude sickness and that I need to go down. Why didn't anybody warn me about altitude sickness? There should be signs at the bottom of the switchbacks or something that tell us that we will get sick. Little Adolf brings me back down to trail camp. And then he says "aren't you the guy that I gave a ticket to last night?" I says "yes". He then says "I forgot to ask you for your permit. May I see it?" I kinda laugh at him and say "we don't need no stinking permits". Little adolf doesn't know his movie quotes because he didn't laugh at all. He just says "yes you do". You guessed it, I got another ticket. I was done now. I just wanted to get off of this ugly rock. I started heading down and he says "isn't that your sleeping bag?" I just shook my head, it was all wet and there is no way that I want to carry it all the way down the hill. But this prick will give me another ticket if I don't. So I pack it up and start walking down. And he starts following me, Probably to make sure that I don't cut across the switchbacks, like that would hurt anything.
