I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives.
By following the simple advice I heard on the Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started and never finished."
So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos and a box of chocolates. You have no idea how freaking good I feel.
Please pass this on to those you feel might be in need of inner peace.
Verum audaces non gerunt indusia alba. - Ipsi dixit MCMLXXII
“ An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Klu Klux Klan.
This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this.
Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."
No one moved.
The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory.
Now stand and confess your transgression."
Again, all was quiet.
Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew.
Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan.I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."
The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared. ”
Verum audaces non gerunt indusia alba. - Ipsi dixit MCMLXXII
I was out at Fitzroy Island recently - I keep saying you haven't lived until you spend some quality time in the water with a Green Sea Turtle and then have a fine beer in Foxy's front bar. It's the kind of place where you sit down, look around and wonder what all the poor people are doing.
Reminds me that last October I was there and Foxy's was doing a sort of October Fest. Because everything has to come by ferry (it's an island), they just do one featured beer on draft each day, rather than all at once. I missed the doppelbock of the previous day, but they had a very acceptable billygoat (ein Bock). Because that beer is around 7% abv, I nursed a single glass for the hour until the ferry arrived to take me back to the mainland. I actually don't like the term "nursed", there must be a better expression. Though I am aware that there is a wine style "liebfraumilch", which doesn't actually mean "Mothers Milk".
As I was waiting for the 5-minute warning horn for the ferry's leaving, I heard a bell. Looked over to the dock at Welcome Bay, and saw the Skipper was banging on the ship's bell. Later found out that the Ship's horn was broken.
So there I was, sitting on the bock of the day, watching the ride tolling away.
Verum audaces non gerunt indusia alba. - Ipsi dixit MCMLXXII
I met a Chinese girl when I was in Shanghai , I asked her if she could escort me for a city tour, and asked for her mobile number, so I could call her.
She got excited and said: "sex sex sex, wan free sex for tonigh"
Wow, I'm guessing this is how Chinese women express their hospitality!
But then, my friend interpreted it for me & told me what she really said :