Mt Whitney Zone Forums The Chat Room Where Are the Silly Jokes?

This is probably the definitive collection of clean Little Tommy jokes. Some of these have been told before in this thread.

This is the first known clean Little Tommy Joke:

A couple has a little girl, named Suzie. They take her to visit another couple who are parents of a little boy. He is, of course, Little Tommy. For a while the children sit patiently as the adults discuss their religious beliefs, but eventually they get bored. They go outside and wander about till they come to a creek with a good swimming hole.

It's a hot and humid day so they decide to cool off by going skinny dipping. They go into the bushes and take off their clothes. Then they emerge from the bushes.

Little Suzie looks at Little Tommie and yells, "I didn't know Catholics were THAT different from Protestants!"

This is the only known clean Little Suzie joke.

Then:

The teacher was discussing different jobs held by the parents of the students. When she called on Little Tommy, she asked, "And what does your father do?"

"Oh, he's a magician," replied Tommy.

"Really? And what's his best trick?"

"His best trick is sawing people in half."

"Wonderful!" exclaimed the teacher. "Tell me, are there any more children in your family?"

"Yes ma'am, I have a half brother and two half sisters."

And:

Mrs. Downsport, Little Tommie's mother, was called to a conference with the school principal. "Little Tommy", he said, "was caught peeing in the swimming pool". "Well", Mrs. Downsport said, "most, if not all the kids pee in the pool". "Possibly true", said the principal, "but not from the top of the 10-meter diving board!".

Tommie's nickname, incidentally, is "Kangaroo". Any guesses why?

So here is the last known clean Little Tommy joke. SteveC has been bugging me for a long time to tell this:

The day afer Little Tommy graduated (with lacklustre grades) from high school, his father won more than 100 million dollars in the state lottery.

So Little Tommy was able to attend a prestigious university, and elected to study marine biology.
Given his early history, he was especially interested in the mating habits of dolphins & porpoises. Well, actually, any kind of mating habits.

In the meantime, his father purchased the latest and fastest Lear Jet and began to take flying lessons. On his second solo flight as a licenced private pilot he took Little Tommy's mother up and the inevitable happened.

So Little Tommy, after sharing his parent's estate with his half-brother and two half sisters, found himself to be independently wealthy. Very Wealthy.

So he bought a property on the Intracoastal Waterway and commissioned a large dolphin pool complex, complete with a breeding pool and a lot of space for dolphins. He paid skippers to scan the ocean and (gently) capture a pair of porpoises. At this stage, he really didn't know the difference between dolphins & porpoises. However, eventually, a pair of marine mammals were captured and placed in the pool complex.

The pair were placed in the breeding pool - and nothing happened. Unknown to Little Tommy, the animals were brother and sister.

So Little Tommy asked his Professor from the prestigious university if anything could be done to enhance his captive's mating. His Professor indicated that there was research seemingly pointing to a hormone imbalance which could be counteracted by ingestion of fledgling seabirds.

So Little Tommy scoured the beaches for young seabirds. One day he found several nests above the tide-line on a local beach. So he captured them and headed back to his pickup truck. He loaded up his precious cargo and proceeded to drive along the beach frontage road, knowing that he would, at last, achieve his dream!

There was something else going on that Little Tommy didn't know about. The circus was in town.

The circus carried an old lion on the books. He was far too old to perform, and, being toothless, was quite harmless. Because the lion was superannuated, the circus crew became careless about his housing. On this particular day, the cage door was left unlocked & the old lion ambled out for a walk. On reaching the frontage road to the beach, the old lion was thoroughly exhausted, and laid down in the road for a nap.

So, Little Tommy came racing around the corner in a great hurry to further science - and ran over the old, sleeping lion.

Shocked, he stopped and was accosted by a person in a a three-piece suit who yelled "FBI! you're under arrest!"

So Little Tommy asked "Why?" And the FBI agent stated "Mann Act - Crossing a sedate lion with immature gulls for immoral porpoises"